Recently I posted a picture of myself in my kitchen, and I immediately started receiving generous messages from people wanting to help me “update” it. Along with their messages came pictures of how my kitchen could look, if I’d just put some effort and money into it. I’ve always loved my kitchen, but after seeing those pictures I found myself looking at it through new, critical eyes.
Tonight after work, my boss was counting how much money was made and everything and came to find that we were short $200 from what was calculated. It didn’t really affect me much, but I know that it affected her a lot. I could sense the passive aggressiveness she was experiencing in that moment. The frustration. Yet shortly afterwards, a friend of mine had messaged me on Facebook from news/updates of tonight. The news seen through my eyes as I stared at the same message she sent me over and over left me in unbelievable shock. My youth pastor is leaving. Tonight was like my boss’ night. I lost $200, or at least the feelings of sadness that come along when you lose something of dear value. What am I saying? It’s not even something as minimal as losing $200. It’s so much more.
God doesn’t talk to me in an audible voice because God isn’t a human; He’s God. That makes sense to me because human beings are limited and God isn’t limited at all. He can communicate to us in any way He wants to anytime he wants to. Through flowers, other people, an uncomfortable sense, a feeling of joy, goose bumps, a newfound talent, or an appreciation we acquire over time. It doesn’t need to be a big mystical thing.
I haven’t seen a combination of tree limbs that looked like John the Baptist or a cloud formation resembling Jesus. Honestly, they look just like branches and clouds to me. But I do see the beauty in them and the beauty that’s everywhere, that God made for me and you. I especially see evidence of God in other people’s lives. What’s beautiful about them always looks an awful lot like God to me. I wonder if the people listening for voices or looking for cloud shapes miss the whisper of God’s creation, somehow thinking it’s a lesser form of communication, like a text message rather than a whole book on tape.
It could just be me, but in all of this and despite what feels like a handicap at times, I can almost read His lips inaudibly saying to me, “I love you this much.”
The Bible says lot of pretty radical things, no? Jesus’ ministry alone was filled with extraordinarily deviant concepts and teachings that challenges- and downright offends- typical human ideals. Yet confronting these healthy convictions is at the crux of Christian living which serves…
What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace?
This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself
I am constantly reminded that being a husband starts now, and the weight of college puts that so much more into perspective.
Jesus, I want to be a man. A man worthy of a Godly and beautiful wife, so I can be the best husband to her as I possibly can with you as my guide. To support and love her in every way imaginable no matter my circumstances. Rich or poor, to love her anyways. The job given a husband never changes. It is always to love her through thick and thin, sickness or in health, for better or for worse, to have and behold from that day on, til death do us apart.
There’s a cry in my heart For Your glory to fall For Your presence to fill up my senses There’s a yearning again A thirst for discipline A hunger for things that are deeper
Could You take me beyond? Could You carry me through? If I open my heart? Could I go there with You? (For I’ve been here before But I know there’s still more Oh, Lord, I need to know You)
For what do I have If I don’t have You, Jesus? What in this life Could mean any more? You are my rock You are my glory You are the lifter Of my head Lifter of this head
Growing up comes so fast. One moment you’re living under your parents’ roof and a moment after you’re on your own. The thought of going back to CU means so many things. Aside from growing together with friends and receiving better education, the dark side of it is the reality of having to start to pay for your own education, shelter, and food. Pretty much it’s learning and experiencing on your own.
Honestly, I’m scared. I haven’t felt this scared before my entire life. Seriously. It’s like the world is taking a dump on me constantly and the crap just gets heavier. It traps me. So many worries bouncing around in my head. “How am I going to pay for this?” “How am I going to do well in school?” “I hope I’m making a right choice.” “If I’m in this much debt, will I still be able to find a relationship in the future?” Thoughts like these that leave me wondering if I’m going to be okay.
When I go back to CU, I’m going to do my best, but I’ve realized from last year, it’s hard to do on my own. I’m calling my friends, brothers, and sisters in Christ to support me in this. I can’t do this alone.
Debt or none, I desperately wish to be spent by my God and spend it all on Him. Whatever it is! That is my cry. To put my faith and trust into the one who created the moon and the stars and reminds me that I’m significant to Him no matter my size because He will provide. He will bless. He will teach. All these things he does, he does by my side.
Let your glory shine through me.Uphold me.Fill me up, God!FILL ME UP.
Our youth pastor, Jesse, spoke about the stars tonight at church. He told us whenever we worry, go outside and stare at the night sky filled with those bright dots we call stars and let them remind ourselves who God is and acknowledge that He is greater than ________. This is one of the biggest reasons why I always stargaze. I think I’m going to do that right now and spend time in silence, acknowledging my loving God.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I’ve accomplished so much this break. I learned how to curve bowling balls and improve my snowboarding skill. Landed my first jump today after falling countless times. Went on my first double black diamond as well. That is probably one of the most exhilarating things I’ve experienced from constantly going up to Copper Mountain during winter. Snowboarding is just one of those sports that really teaches you to get back up and try and try and try again. There’s just so much falling that I ask myself what the safest way to fall is and the answer to that: Falling leaf. Face plant? No problem. Getting the wind knocked out of you? No breath. You pretty much feel like you’re going to die right there and just let out your last battle cry, but then you realize, “Hey, I’m alive.”
The sight of majestic, snowy mountains with the sun shining through the trees from behind on the ski lift is just breathtaking! When I fall while boarding I just lay there in silence listening to my surroundings, either the silence or joyful noises from all around. The sound of wipeouts and celebration just makes me realize that God is present. I just sit and lay flat on the powdery snow and just stare at the sky reminiscing God’s glorious creation, yet this is only Colorado we’re speaking of. I close my eyes and take a few calm, but deep breaths.
Working at Brookstone was an amazing experience; not only was I making money, but I was improving communication skills and befriending my coworkers. Some time working there and I discovered that my manager, a 40-something year old man with a family of his wife and 2 kids, is a gamer and plays a lot on Xbox Live. I spent half of my 8 hour shift wrapping my mind around that. I’m in the store sitting on the super bungee chair just thinking, “I can’t even. What?” I’m glad that was my first job. If anyone is ever looking I definitely recommend working there.
Christmas, was awesome. Having Sung over again for Christmas this year was pretty chill. I’m kind of sad that he may be leaving soon back to Korea for military service. I really hope he’s going to be okay back home. Kevin did joke that when he came back all ripped and what not, all the girls would call him “oppa”. hehehehehe Oh and FYI for all you ladies up in CU, Sung is definitely K-pop, grade A+, 11/10 husband material ;) If anyone will read this he will probably hate me afterwards for posting something like this, but it’s okay, he won’t kill me because that would taint his 11/10 perfect husband record. He’s an awesome friend.
Time was well spent making new friends and growing with old ones. Looking back to last year with my goal in mind of re-establishing relationships it was successful! All I have is thanks to God for these wonderful blessings and experiences. And thanks to my friends who were patient with me to teach me all that I’ve accomplished this break. All that I want to do when I go back to CU for this semester is push strong and hard giving God the glory and not for my own or others. There’s just always that satisfaction in giving your all for God. And a plus to that would be pursuing Him with your friends. Thank you Peter. Thank you Leigh. Thank you David. Thank you Joyce. Thank you Jesse. Thank you Alice. Thank you Mi. Thank you.
I feel like we sometimes think we know more than we actually know. I think it’s a pride thing. Reading articles about the importance of spending time with God is far different than actually spending time with God. I know for sure that I’m guilty of this. It’s like right now God is just passive for me rather than active pursuing. It’s a one way relationship currently and I’m not the one being proactive in it.