I am constantly reminded that being a husband starts now, and the weight of college puts that so much more into perspective.
Jesus, I want to be a man. A man worthy of a Godly and beautiful wife, so I can be the best husband to her as I possibly can with you as my guide. To support and love her in every way imaginable no matter my circumstances. Rich or poor, to love her anyways. The job given a husband never changes. It is always to love her through thick and thin, sickness or in health, for better or for worse, to have and behold from that day on, til death do us apart.
There’s a cry in my heart For Your glory to fall For Your presence to fill up my senses There’s a yearning again A thirst for discipline A hunger for things that are deeper
Could You take me beyond? Could You carry me through? If I open my heart? Could I go there with You? (For I’ve been here before But I know there’s still more Oh, Lord, I need to know You)
For what do I have If I don’t have You, Jesus? What in this life Could mean any more? You are my rock You are my glory You are the lifter Of my head Lifter of this head
Growing up comes so fast. One moment you’re living under your parents’ roof and a moment after you’re on your own. The thought of going back to CU means so many things. Aside from growing together with friends and receiving better education, the dark side of it is the reality of having to start to pay for your own education, shelter, and food. Pretty much it’s learning and experiencing on your own.
Honestly, I’m scared. I haven’t felt this scared before my entire life. Seriously. It’s like the world is taking a dump on me constantly and the crap just gets heavier. It traps me. So many worries bouncing around in my head. “How am I going to pay for this?” “How am I going to do well in school?” “I hope I’m making a right choice.” “If I’m in this much debt, will I still be able to find a relationship in the future?” Thoughts like these that leave me wondering if I’m going to be okay.
When I go back to CU, I’m going to do my best, but I’ve realized from last year, it’s hard to do on my own. I’m calling my friends, brothers, and sisters in Christ to support me in this. I can’t do this alone.
Debt or none, I desperately wish to be spent by my God and spend it all on Him. Whatever it is! That is my cry. To put my faith and trust into the one who created the moon and the stars and reminds me that I’m significant to Him no matter my size because He will provide. He will bless. He will teach. All these things he does, he does by my side.
Let your glory shine through me.Uphold me.Fill me up, God!FILL ME UP.
Our youth pastor, Jesse, spoke about the stars tonight at church. He told us whenever we worry, go outside and stare at the night sky filled with those bright dots we call stars and let them remind ourselves who God is and acknowledge that He is greater than ________. This is one of the biggest reasons why I always stargaze. I think I’m going to do that right now and spend time in silence, acknowledging my loving God.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I’ve accomplished so much this break. I learned how to curve bowling balls and improve my snowboarding skill. Landed my first jump today after falling countless times. Went on my first double black diamond as well. That is probably one of the most exhilarating things I’ve experienced from constantly going up to Copper Mountain during winter. Snowboarding is just one of those sports that really teaches you to get back up and try and try and try again. There’s just so much falling that I ask myself what the safest way to fall is and the answer to that: Falling leaf. Face plant? No problem. Getting the wind knocked out of you? No breath. You pretty much feel like you’re going to die right there and just let out your last battle cry, but then you realize, “Hey, I’m alive.”
The sight of majestic, snowy mountains with the sun shining through the trees from behind on the ski lift is just breathtaking! When I fall while boarding I just lay there in silence listening to my surroundings, either the silence or joyful noises from all around. The sound of wipeouts and celebration just makes me realize that God is present. I just sit and lay flat on the powdery snow and just stare at the sky reminiscing God’s glorious creation, yet this is only Colorado we’re speaking of. I close my eyes and take a few calm, but deep breaths.
Working at Brookstone was an amazing experience; not only was I making money, but I was improving communication skills and befriending my coworkers. Some time working there and I discovered that my manager, a 40-something year old man with a family of his wife and 2 kids, is a gamer and plays a lot on Xbox Live. I spent half of my 8 hour shift wrapping my mind around that. I’m in the store sitting on the super bungee chair just thinking, “I can’t even. What?” I’m glad that was my first job. If anyone is ever looking I definitely recommend working there.
Christmas, was awesome. Having Sung over again for Christmas this year was pretty chill. I’m kind of sad that he may be leaving soon back to Korea for military service. I really hope he’s going to be okay back home. Kevin did joke that when he came back all ripped and what not, all the girls would call him “oppa”. hehehehehe Oh and FYI for all you ladies up in CU, Sung is definitely K-pop, grade A+, 11/10 husband material ;) If anyone will read this he will probably hate me afterwards for posting something like this, but it’s okay, he won’t kill me because that would taint his 11/10 perfect husband record. He’s an awesome friend.
Time was well spent making new friends and growing with old ones. Looking back to last year with my goal in mind of re-establishing relationships it was successful! All I have is thanks to God for these wonderful blessings and experiences. And thanks to my friends who were patient with me to teach me all that I’ve accomplished this break. All that I want to do when I go back to CU for this semester is push strong and hard giving God the glory and not for my own or others. There’s just always that satisfaction in giving your all for God. And a plus to that would be pursuing Him with your friends. Thank you Peter. Thank you Leigh. Thank you David. Thank you Joyce. Thank you Jesse. Thank you Alice. Thank you Mi. Thank you.
I feel like we sometimes think we know more than we actually know. I think it’s a pride thing. Reading articles about the importance of spending time with God is far different than actually spending time with God. I know for sure that I’m guilty of this. It’s like right now God is just passive for me rather than active pursuing. It’s a one way relationship currently and I’m not the one being proactive in it.
My generation of believers loves the idea of radical Christianity. Itâs edgy, compromises everything, itâs dangerously transparent, and itâs simple. Phrases like âI just want Jesusâ are its slogan â its very breath. Verses are tattooed on our backs, and Greek words are penned into our wrists and biceps. Our sweatshop-free clothes are ripped and dirty. Our coffee is fair-trade. Our books are doctrine-heavy and well worn. And maybe weâll even have a drink or a cigar here and there over a deep theological conversation. Today, most of us have made our pilgrimage to an African orphanage or held the hand of the dying somewhere in the third-world. We are not like our parents â who worry themselves that our bold-faith is going to leave us homeless and maybe dead. Itâs exciting to be alive today. The amount resources we have at our fingertips is overwhelming. And itâs invigorating to be a part of a generation of Sons and Daughters that just wants to get back to the un-muddied basics: âthe old, old story of Jesus and His love.â We want to live dangerously. And we would love the honor of being numbered with those in Hebrews 11 â Believers who lived so recklessly in homesickness for the love of God that the writer went on to say of them: âThey were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated â the world was not worthy of them . They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.â Hebrews 11:37-38 (NIV) Again, we read passages on the sufferings of Paul, like 2 Corinthians 11:23-28, and find our hearts stirring within us as if to say, âAh! If I could just have that kind of faith! If I could just live with that kind of abandon! That is what I was created for!â Our generation has reached out in longing saying, âthere has got to be more than this!â and is finding that heroes like Paul seem to have found itâ¦ Itâs that variable on the back of our tongue when we hear the words âfor me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.â Itâs Jesus. Untamed and unadulteratedly Jesus. Unpolluted by what the church wants to make Himâ¦ Unbound by what modern Philosophers want to call Him. We only want Jesus. And no less. This kind of Christianity is dangerously cool. And thatâs the thingâ¦ itâs dangerous. Here and there, itâs spot on; but my fear is that it flirts with the edge and settles for the empty satisfaction of a cultural ego-trip â thirsty to hear cool people say: âWow! Youâre doing great things for God!ââ¦ It says, âIâve got styleâ¦ and heart.â And when our âstyleâ starts to get a little to close to our âheartâ our faith begins to become as skin-deep as the skinny jeans we like to wear. Itâs a TOM-wearing, book-and-Bible-reading, simple-living, guitar-playing, coffee-drinking, bare-footing, leaf-licking, justice-loving, short-term-missions-tripping Christianity. And it looks really good. It makes sure that everyone knows that we love homosexuals (which we really do) and have a real distaste for legalistic and hypocritical Christians (which we really do). This kind of Christianity isâ¦ wellâ¦ sexy. Itâs the guy who sets his stack of theological books on the wooden table in that hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, pulls out his MacBook Pro, and begins to blog about the newest injustice right after tweeting about a great new band he came across. Itâs the girl who, after riding her road-bike to town, sits down for a cup of tea or chai and ruffles her Ugandan-made beanie so it sits just right on her head, then pulls out a trendy journal from her Urban-Outfitter-style backpack and begins to write about how badly she misses her YWAM DTS and about how cute she thinks book-reading-and-blogging boy is. These Believers are sensational people. Often theyâre well versed in the Bible and give color to their churches. They support missions and anything that will reach orphans and afflicted people â even if theyâve only got a couple bucks left in the bank. I could go onâ¦ but chances are youâve got someone in mind. Right now you might be thinking, âWait, I thought that maybe this kind of Christianity is where our Christian leaders were encouraging us to go…â And I admit that the whole idea might be a little unclear right now. But this is what I want to communicate: That when Radical Christianity is popular, as it is becoming for my generation of Believers, then we must ask ourselves: âis the sense of abandon I have for Jesus costing me anything, or actually just making me more popular in the eyes of the people who I would like to be perceived by as more popular?â If at the end of the day I was kicked out of my family, homeless, friendless, moneyless, and hatedâ¦ would Jesus still be enough? Because Sexy Christianity feels pretty good until someone throws a stone at youâ¦ or starts a thread of gossip about youâ¦ or sends you hate mailâ¦ or bullies your kid. Our culture has high-jacked our faith, given it a make-over, and has begun selling it for cheap. See, for Paul it wasnât about the church making much of him. It was about him making much of Jesusâ¦ And for all he cared, he and all he did was worthless compared to simply knowing Jesus.Â For us, a two-week trip to the third-world to share the gospel is generally a culturally accepted thing â itâll get you applause and maybe even a newspaper article if your town is small enough. Yet for the early church they had no choice but to become missionaries, right after Stephenâs death such a great wave of persecution arose because of their âRadical Christianityâ that the believers fled for their lives to other nations, carrying the Gospel with them. They didnât plan their trip, make a budget, or take little bottles of hand sanitizer with themâ¦ they only took the Gospelâ¦ and they took it into every place they went â even as they were running for their lives. Their attitude was captured in Peter and Johnâs bold statement to their persecutors: âWhether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot help but speak of what we have seen and heard.â Acts 4:19-20 They were not interested in joining popular justice movements, environmental preservation clubs, or wearing anything that made them seem trendyâ¦ they had one track minds: Jesusâ death and resurrection for the redemption of all nations and the glorification of God. That was it. And they were so compelled to tell the Good News that they proclaimed it to men in power who were threatening to put them to death. The Gospel was the hill they would literally die on, and there was nothing cool about it. The world hated them for it. Here is where âSexy Christianityâ starts to crumble. When a believer is more interested in the idea of loving Jesus than actually loving Jesus, then that is not Christianity. And we ought to wage a war of wrath upon it â mortifying, dismembering, and crucifying it, and then putting it in a tomb where it belongs. We ought to react in unconcealed hatred for it because it steals praise from God and puts it upon men, even if only in the most subtle and unassuming ways. Jesus told His disciples to âBeware the leaven of the Pharisees.â That is, to beware of the subtle poison of the flamboyant religion of the Phariseesâ¦ because it would destroy the whole body. Just as a Pharisee would make much of their tithes and their theological knowledge, so today many seek the glory that comes from spiritual-looking behavior. As Martin Luther once said, âA religion that gives nothing, costs nothing, and suffers nothing, is worth nothing.â See, these secondary actions â loving the afflicted, visiting orphans in Africa, caring for Godâs creation, etc. donât cost us anything if we do them seeking a paycheck in the form of manâs praise. If our motivation is to roll with the most modern trend, then our actions are all eternally useless (James 2:17; 1 Corinthians 1:1-3)â¦ unless they are done out of a simple overflowing love for Jesusâ¦ A response, if you will, to having been eternally atoned for on that day at Golgotha. And that love will quite possibly cost us the reputations we so desperately try to keep polished behind the P.R. of cultural normality. I wonder, after being a âRadical Christianâ goes out of style, how many radically committed Christians will remain in our high schools, colleges, and work places? And right after American culture moves on from Africa, humanitarian aid, human rights, and issues like the AIDS epidemic and human trafficking crisis, as I promise it will soon, what will our radical faith look like? When being a âsold-out follower of Jesusâ and âliving simply so that others might simply liveâ loses its cultural lackluster, what will be next? What happens when stones start being thrown at people who identify themselves with the dead man? I have no doubt that there will be a faithful remnant, but I also acknowledge that they might just be hated and persecuted just like Jesus promised. Who will remain and what will it take to stick with Jesus until the end? I believe A.W. Tozer has said it far better concerning his generation than I may be able to concerning mine. But regardless, I find his observation to be curiously relevant: “I do not recall another period when âfaithâ was as popular as it is today. âIf only we believe hard enough we’ll make it somehow.â So goes the popular chant. What you believe is not important. Only believe… What is overlooked in all this is that faith is good only when it engages truth; when it is made to rest upon falsehood it can and often does lead to eternal tragedy. For it is not enough that we believe; we must believe the right thing about the right One.”